Wednesday, February 01, 2012
Thoughts of the Unnamed Disciple
A few days ago news reached me about brothers having been arrested by the authorities upon instructions by the Sanhedrin. There were stories of stoning and being thrown into lions’ dens.
It is during these times that I long for the good old days when Master was here…
I remember the time on the lake. We have just fed five thousand men and the Master told us to go ahead of him to Bethsaida. He went up on the mountainside to pray while we took the boat.
Hours later the winds began to blow and we were straining to keep the boat on course as the wind was blowing against us. We were so tired and I myself fell asleep holding an oar.
Just before dawn, someone screamed, “Ghost, ghost! On the water! Ghost!” I remember being very annoyed at the interruption. But when I glance towards the lake, there it was: a ghost! We were all terrified.
Suddenly the ghost said, “Don’t be afraid, it’s me.” I swear I can almost hear laughter in the Master’s voice.
And then, Peter, always the impulsive guy, blurts out, “If it is really You, tell me to come to you on the water.” “Come”, the Master said. Peter did.
I almost cheered when suddenly, Peter looked at the wind and began to sink. “Help, save me!” The Master caught his hand asking, “Why did you doubt?” Peter did not reply but everyone was amazed when the winds died down as they climbed into the boat.
*Sigh
I remember that night when the Master was arrested. Over dinner he spoke about his arrest and crucifixion – not the type of things you talk about over dinner.
Later that evening, we were in the Garden. The Master was scolding us when caught us sleeping for the third time when He has told us to sit while He prays.
Suddenly, there was a group of men carrying torches, clubs and swords. I was afraid as there were only a few of us and we were unarmed. Judas, who ran away at dinner time, was with them. He kissed the Master and the crowd promptly came forward to arrest the Master.
Peter(the impulsive) drew out a sword struck the High Priest’s servant and cut his ear. (I don’t have an explanation why Peter was carrying a sword.) The Master scolded him a bit and told him to put away his sword. The men then arrested the Master and we all ran away.
Later, Peter would be in the courtyard, the closest place to where the Master was being tried and sentenced. I thought that it was crazy for him to be there. He just struck the High Priest’s servant and he could be identified by some of the men who were at the garden and be arrested.
Early the next day, I saw Peter, eyes all swollen from crying. “I disowned the Master three times! I’m so sorry!” I never felt so sorry for Peter.
When the Master was crucified, we were devastated. It must have been doubly devastating for Peter, who disowned the Master three times.
One night, Peter said, “I’m going out to fish.” Concerned about Peter(having heard about Judas being found hanging on a tree.), I tagged along together with a few other guys.
We did not catch any fish that night but I was glad that Peter did not do anything rash and I welcomed the time away from the people. It had been a crazy week for us and a moment of peace was very much needed.
Early in the morning, we sat on the boat. None of us talking, just looking into each other’s eyes, missing the Master.
Suddenly, a man on the shore called out to us, “Caught anything, guys?” To which we replied, “No.” “Try the other side and you will find some.”
We did so and we caught a huge number of fish! “It’s the Master!” As soon as Peter heard this, he wore his robe, jumped into the water and swam towards the Master! I was never more pleased with Peter’s impulsiveness than on that morning!
We followed Peter on our boat which was heavy with the fish we caught. To our surprise a fire was already burning for the fish and there were some bread too. We grilled a few fish and ate bread with the Master. It was the best breakfast I had and will ever will!
After breakfast, the Master asks Peter three times, “Peter, do you love me?” Peter was hurt but this needed to be done for Peter to get over what happened that night. Three times he disowned the Master, three times he will re-affirm.
Those three events are forever embedded in my memory. But as I sit down on this rock and reminisce, I began to see the events in a different light.
Peter’s impulsiveness often bugged me, at times entertained me especially if Peter fell flat on his face.
But now, I wonder, what it would have been like to walk on water along with Peter and the master?
How would it have felt if I stepped in and help Peter defend the Master in the garden? Or came along with Peter in the courtyard and risk everything to be with the Master in His most difficult time?
How would it have felt to take a bold step and risk it all? What am I afraid of?
Three times I wanted to be impulsive and take risks. Three times I didn’t. I don’t know why it happened but one thing I know for sure: I will boldly step out in faith and take the risks for Master. I will not spend the rest of my life wondering what could have.
I will be bold-whether I will succeed or fail does not matter. What matters is that I fulfill the vision the Master has set before me.
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