scribbling in His universe: Waiting...

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Waiting...

My mother has Alzheimer's. Two nights ago, my sister called me at 1130pm to tell me that my mother fell and was taken to the hospital. Initial findings: a fractured leg. But with her condition, the ER doctor suggested that they consult her neurologist.

My brother and father were confused. What does a neurologist have to do with a fractured leg? (There are three nurses in our family and no one is explaining. I believe that AD may have already affected her psycho-motor functions.)

Alzheimer's is a dysfunction some people call 'the long goodbye'. It slowly destroys the human brain and its related functions.

I called home last night. I wanted to know what happened and it was one of the most difficult conversations I had with my mother.

How are you? Tatay said your were at the hospital?

Yes, I fell...

And then a very long silence… My mother can no longer talk longer than 30 seconds to me. Those long conversations with her are just a memory. We used to talk for thirty minutes over the phone. Now I only have 30 seconds. And 30 second later, she forgets that we ever talked.

Waiting is such a very difficult thing to do. Waiting for healing. Waiting for a cure. Waiting for good news. Waiting for restoration. Waiting for God…

I remember a few nights ago when I was under so much spiritual attack. I know that God has plans for me,

'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.' (Jeremiah 29:11-13).

And I know that these are so much better than I can ever imagine,
However, as it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him" (1Cor2:9 NIV)
Yes I believe in these promises. Yet I was so vulnerable. I told God, "God, our relationship is cool. I know that You can fulfill every desire in my heart that is aligned to Your will for me. But I need a hug. Not the spiritual kind. REAL hug. Please?"

So as I hang up the phone last night, I went out of the house and took a deep breath. It was time to take my questions to God. Why? When? How? Am I…?

So with a heavy heart I returned to the house. Sat down in front of the TV. Just looking, not watching.

Suddenly there were small arms wrapped around me. My niece was hugging me. She never did that before. I am usually the one who gives the hugs. Last night it was she. She just kept on hugging me and giggling. She kept stroking my beard and giggling. Her giggles filling the whole house!

No amount of sadness can withstand those giggles! Not even mine!

Then she tells me, 'Cut your hair. Shave your beard.' What? Where did she learn that? She starting to sound like my wife.

And then I find myself telling God, "This is too much! Hugs, yes. Giggles yes. But shaving my beard? You do have a sense of humor, don't You?"

So I got another glimpse of God's character: When He blesses, He blesses in abundance! He overwhelms us with His blessings.

So now I'm still waiting...

1 comment:

gatheringemeralds said...: I hadn't seen you on the forum lately, and came to check your blog. I'll be praying for you and your mom.; 11:35 PM