Saturday, October 07, 2006
Lord, Why Me?
This question has popped so often these past few weeks.
Things from my past... things that are happening now... things that I hoped that would happen but didn't...
Old familiar places: fear... hopelessness... discouragement... loss of heart... unfulfilled promises... unmet expectations... unrealistic views... disappointments... discontent... loss... sickness... grief... friends leaving... friends not calling back... family issues... work issues... ministry issues... faith issues...
"Lord, why me?"
I had waited for the longest time for answers. Waiting for the 'lamp' that would bring enough light for me to step on.
Waiting in the wilderness... waiting in the dark pit... waiting for something... no, anything to happen... but NOTHING. Not a thing!
"So it's back to endurance training now, huh, Lord? Test of patience? Test of submission?"
Impatience... resentment... anger... rebellion! Full-scale rebellion! Edging-God-Out! My way not His!
"Now what?"
"Are you asking me?"
"Yes, Lord, I'm asking You! What happens now? I have fallen again. I have fallen short. I have sinned. I've been selfish. I've been self-centered. I've been hard headed. And... and... and... I'm so sorry! I can't do this by myself anymore!"
I wept. Weeping does a lot of good for me. It allows me to pour out everything to God. EVERYTHING!
Fears... broken dreams... hopes... deep longings... needs... broken relationships...
"Why, Lord?"
"From your own pain, you will be able to help others. Through your own pain, you can reach out to the lost. Through your pain, you will find strength to stand in the gap for you know how it is like to be hurting. Through your pain, I make you stronger. Through your pain, you will glorify Me."
"What is it that You want from me?"
"I want You to abide in Me. Rely on me to be your Provider, your Shield, Strong Tower and Shelter. Press on! Follow the path I have laid for You. Remember the promises I made. Trust in those promises for I am faithful."
"Lord, I have failed so many times. I have done so many shameful things. Yet You say that I will be able to glorify You. Lord, out of all the people, WHY ME?"
"WHY NOT?"
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