Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Grief Revisited…
Someone once said, "when a child dies, you not only grieve for the loss of a life, but also for the lost dreams for that child."
No, I am not grieving for the death of a child, but I am grieving for something else. I guess when a dream dies, not only is it gone, but also takes with it all the things associated with the fullfillment of that dream.
My heart has been heavy over the weekend. Memories of a past life haunts me. A life of glory-seeking, the rush of adrenaline, the feeling of invincibility and being in control. A life that eventually led to spiritual death and eventually killed my heart.
For the past few days I have struggled with being EGO-driven again. Edging God Out. Waiting for "orders from the Boss" has taken a toll on my patience. Suddenly, going back to the old life seems so appealing. No need for waiting, just follow the desires of my heart and worry later. Then the following verses confronted me:
No, I am not grieving for the death of a child, but I am grieving for something else. I guess when a dream dies, not only is it gone, but also takes with it all the things associated with the fullfillment of that dream.
My heart has been heavy over the weekend. Memories of a past life haunts me. A life of glory-seeking, the rush of adrenaline, the feeling of invincibility and being in control. A life that eventually led to spiritual death and eventually killed my heart.
For the past few days I have struggled with being EGO-driven again. Edging God Out. Waiting for "orders from the Boss" has taken a toll on my patience. Suddenly, going back to the old life seems so appealing. No need for waiting, just follow the desires of my heart and worry later. Then the following verses confronted me:
"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Matthew 6:19-21 NIV)What a wonderful reminder! As I look back at what is happening, I need to ask myself again and again, "Who am I?", "Whose am I?" and "Whose side am I?" The old life is gone. I need to let go in order to move forward. My plans pales in comparison to God's plans for me. I have made the choice and I will remain standing.
"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. (Ephesians 6:10-17 NIV)Armor in place, sword drawn, shields up!
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