Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Travelling Light: my reflections
I realized that I was carrying burdens that I was never intended to carry. Maybe you have burdens too.
The burden of believing in a lesser God – For most of my life I believed God is watching over me in a way that He lists every sin and every thought so that come Judgment Day, I will be convicted. I found it difficult to see Him as a Father, probably because my own earthly father was mostly absent. It was difficult to believe that He is interested not only in my faith but also in my dreams, my work, my sorrows, my relationships. And the He sends me this song ‘I will be Yahweh who walks with you, you will be always within My heart,…strong and constant is My love.’ The same love He had when He created the universe is still the same love He has for me right now! This morning I cried out to Him, calling Him Abba. I sat on the floor, inviting Him to sit on the chair in front of me and finally resting my head on the chair where he sat. He gave me visions of the days in my life and He was there, in every moment. Clapping His hands, wiping tears, weeping, watching over me,… Abba, I am releasing this burden. I will carry it no longer...
The burden of self-reliance – Always wanting to do things my way. Abba, I wish to no longer carry this burden. Teach me to rely on You and not on myself. Teach me to be patient...
The burden of discontent – “I will be happy when ______.” It never happens. When I get it, I will want something more. Abba, teach me to seek joy and be content with what I have. You are my shepherd...
The burden of weariness – Always wanting to be there for everyone except myself. Abba, I am releasing this burden. I will carry it no longer. I will make sure that my body gets enough rest and that my heart and soul are adequately nourished...
The burden of worry – Abba, teach me to accept that You will do the right thing at the right time. Help me to let go of this burden so that I may be able to live in the moment. Help me to fill my mind only with thoughts that do not cause anxiety...
The burden of hopelessness – Abba, help me let go of this burden. When I feel hopeless, remind me that You always come through for me. Teach me not to place too much importance on my present hurts...
The burden of guilt – Abba, I will need a lot of help in releasing this burden. Help me to forgive others, too, that I may be able to accept Your forgiveness. Protect me from the lies continue to consume me...
The burden of fear – Abba, give me courage to face my own Garden of Gethsemane. I want to be honest enough to pour out my heart to You. I want to know that it is alright to lie down on the dirt. I want to know that it’s alright to sob in Your presence. I no longer want to run away and hide...
The burden of loneliness – Abba, You know what it was like for Jesus in the Garden. All His friends were asleep. But He was never lonely. You were there. And You know what its like for me right now. Out of this loneliness I have found You. Or was it You have found me? I know that I never have to be lonely anymore. I don’t want to be...
The burden of shame – Abba, how many times did I do the things I swore I would never do? Countless times. I feel the shame each time I fell. Each time I messed up. But in Your love, You called me back. You called me back to this Body. You called me to watch a sunrise with You. I am forever grateful. Help me release this burden...
The burden of disappointment – Abba, life has been a series of disappointments. Disappointments creating wounds, causing bitterness in my heart. Abba, I come to You with a broken heart. Teach me to trust You so that I can give this broken heart to You in exchange for a new one...
The burden of doubt – Abba, I know the You love me. But I always see myself unworthy of Your love. I want to run away from Your love because I feel so uncomfortable being loved while having doubts about my worthiness. Teach me to trust by faith and not by feelings, help me to see myself through Your eyes and not mine...
The burden of homesickness – Abba, there are times I want to come Home to You so bad. Yet I feel I am not ready to face You yet. I am broken, I wish to be whole before I come Home. I wish to do things for You. Please continue to send me those postcards of Home. I love it when You do. And please don't take away this burden...
2 comments:
we serve a God who knows us more than we could possibly know ourselves. this is both a comforting and humbling note and one of the core truths in Christianity.
to sum it all up: matthew 11:28-29.
the latter verse is worth another blog entry though. :)
another entry idea!
thanks.
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