Thursday, August 10, 2006
Waiting...
My brother and father were confused. What does a neurologist have to do with a fractured leg? (There are three nurses in our family and no one is explaining. I believe that AD may have already affected her psycho-motor functions.)
Alzheimer's is a dysfunction some people call 'the long goodbye'. It slowly destroys the human brain and its related functions.
I called home last night. I wanted to know what happened and it was one of the most difficult conversations I had with my mother.
How are you? Tatay said your were at the hospital?And then a very long silence… My mother can no longer talk longer than 30 seconds to me. Those long conversations with her are just a memory. We used to talk for thirty minutes over the phone. Now I only have 30 seconds. And 30 second later, she forgets that we ever talked.
Yes, I fell...
Waiting is such a very difficult thing to do. Waiting for healing. Waiting for a cure. Waiting for good news. Waiting for restoration. Waiting for God…
I remember a few nights ago when I was under so much spiritual attack. I know that God has plans for me,
'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.' (Jeremiah 29:11-13).
And I know that these are so much better than I can ever imagine,
However, as it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him" (1Cor2:9 NIV)Yes I believe in these promises. Yet I was so vulnerable. I told God, "God, our relationship is cool. I know that You can fulfill every desire in my heart that is aligned to Your will for me. But I need a hug. Not the spiritual kind. REAL hug. Please?"
So as I hang up the phone last night, I went out of the house and took a deep breath. It was time to take my questions to God. Why? When? How? Am I…?
So with a heavy heart I returned to the house. Sat down in front of the TV. Just looking, not watching.
Suddenly there were small arms wrapped around me. My niece was hugging me. She never did that before. I am usually the one who gives the hugs. Last night it was she. She just kept on hugging me and giggling. She kept stroking my beard and giggling. Her giggles filling the whole house!
No amount of sadness can withstand those giggles! Not even mine!
Then she tells me, 'Cut your hair. Shave your beard.' What? Where did she learn that? She starting to sound like my wife.
And then I find myself telling God, "This is too much! Hugs, yes. Giggles yes. But shaving my beard? You do have a sense of humor, don't You?"
So I got another glimpse of God's character: When He blesses, He blesses in abundance! He overwhelms us with His blessings.
So now I'm still waiting...
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
God and Kids...
So there I was at church by 8am. The door was still closed and I waited together with a family of four. The parents(members of the worship team) and their son and daughter.
When the doors opened, I went straight to setting the microphones on the stage. And who would be there? The little boy.
He would follow me around the stage and keep asking me for a microphone so he could sing. I only had a few minutes to set everything up before practice starts and I was a bit of confused on what to do with him so that I can do my job but I don't brush him off.
So what I did was to tell the kid, "Wait let me finish with this and you can sing when the mic is ready."
As I was talking to God this morning, He told me that I was just like that little boy. For some reason I kept asking God for things that I do not know how to handle yet. I was asking for a microphone but He was still setting everything up. He is preparing me and what I am being asked to do is go through the preparation process first.
So after the cables have been set, I told the kid, "Can you help me check the mic? Can you please say 'ssssound checkkkk' at every mic?" The smile and that twinkle in his eyes were just... priceless!
"You also beamed when I called you. That smile through those tears were just so priceless. When you came back, all the angels were celebrating your homecoming.
When I called you to your calling, and you said 'Yes!', I saw the same smile in your heart. Know my son that I have prepared everything and I won't ask you to do something you are not capable of. But I know you better than you know yourself. Unlike the child, you sometimes second-guess yourself. You sometimes ask for lots of confirmations about your call. You sometimes make excuses to disqualify yourself from your calling. Remember, I look at your heart, not your background, not your circumstances and never on your past mistakes."
After setting up the stage, I went to my sound booth. After setting everything up for the worship leaders, I started setting up for the sanctuary. I was enjoying the few uninterrupted minutes when suddenly, a small head suddenly popped out between me and the sound panel. Yes, it was the little boy again and he was hugging me!
My heart melted...
"My child, you have been wandering for a long time. Searching for an answer to the restlessness I have planted in your heart. You went to a lot of things that the world offered and you felt first-hand that none of the things of this world can put your heart at rest. I f your heart melted when that little boy hugged you, do I need to tell you how I feel whenever you come to my presence?"
I allowed the kid to look as I adjusted the settings on the panel. He was probably mesmerized by the lights, the knobs and the switches on the panel. He must have been observing how I pushed some buttons and slide some switches and then nod my head in approval.
"You are just like the kid. You look at things I have created with a certain awe. You look at your faith in simple terms. You have been trying to observe how I pushed and slide things around you. When you are ready, I will push and slide things through you. My hand will guide your hand."
With everything set and ready, I sat back and listened to the sounds around me. Listening for things that may need adjustment and then... "What happened!!!"
Oh well, the kid changed some settings, probably turned a knob too far or slid a switch way down. So what did I do? Fixed the settings again. No condemnation. No scolding. Just a pat on the head for the little kid who just wanted to help.
"Just like you. You sometimes can't wait to do things for me. Patience, my child. You will be ready soon. Wait on my timing. If you do something wrong, repent and learn from it. I will get you out."
So how did my Sunday end? I ended my day asking God for the blessing of having my own son and daughter someday. But I must get back to my training!
PS: Sometimes we need to be sensitive on how God works in our lives. Those 'interruptions' could in reality be divine appointments!