Monday, July 10, 2006

"In your pain... give!"

I remember a night nine months ago. Is anyone around? Will anyone notice? Will God come through for me?
I was in so much pain that night. Everything I valued broke into pieces and I felt that I, too, would break. Eventually my heart broke. My spirit soon followed.


I remember falling on my knees that night, crying out to God to take me home. I remember every accusation, every lie thrown against me. I remember calling to God for help. Help me make it through. I can't do it by my own strength. I remember that soft voice, the soft breeze. Be still and know I am God.


So I stayed still. But what about the pain? Staying still does not remove the pain!

Child, do as I did. In your pain...give. Give your all, even when in pain. Even when others leave you. Even when others betray you. Even when others lie straight to your face. Give even when they spit at you. Even when they crown you with thorns and crucify you! In your pain, GIVE!

Monday, July 03, 2006

God's on the move...

Something is happening and I can't even begin to explain it. God has begun to answer a prayer of mine, that He teach me how to "have a heart like His."

A few days ago, a young woman sat in front of me.
Her eyes were puffy and most of the time, she hid her face on her lap. I wanted to offer a kind word to her but I didn't. I can't. I wasn't permitted, nor are we related. So I just sat and my heart broke for her heart.

Then I got thinking, How many times was I in the same situation? How many times did I weep and didn't allow God? How it must have broke God's heart that I was weeping and he wasn't allowed to do anything! Not that He can't but it's just I didn't allow Him to. And we were not related. (Yet.)

How it must have given Him immense joy when I finally allowed Him to, when I began to call on Him! It must have. How do I know? Because that is how I feel when my niece asks me to fix something for her, when she just wants to follow me around and asks me to carry her, when she just wants to hang around with me, doing nothing.

As I began to grow in my relationship with God, my desires became more simple. I no longer believe that the world revolves around me and my pain. Yet somehow it is comforting to know that the Maker of the universe would want to spend time with me and listen to me!

For the past few weeks, I feel like a child in awe of God. He is so big yet He is so close! I have tried my best to obey not because I was afraid, but because I love Him and I would like to know that I was able to make Him smile!

In the midst of the storms that I'm in, I look forward to those short moments when the rains stop, the sun peeks out and a rainbow shows itself: those rainbow moments that remind me that I have a super-strong God! A super-strong God and an Abba whose heart the universe can't even contain!

I'm very thankful to Abba! Whenever I think of His goodness my eyes begin to fill with tears. I can't even imagine the magnitude of His love. I look forward to the day when every aspect of my life begins to glorify His name!