Wednesday, December 07, 2011

Shepherd's Arms

At our company's Christmas party last Sunday, I had the honor of meeting four people, Martin Lamb, Mike Kulig and couple Cris and Mercy Saplina of the Shepherd's Arms Foundation.

Martin and his wife, Amy, are the founders, Mike(who also runs another effort in my city) sits as a board adviser, while Cris and Mercy are the houseparents at the children's home.
BUT, Shepherd's Arms is not an ordinary orphanage. A visit to their website, shows that not only are they running a children's home, they also do outreach(prison ministry, Bible study, feedings and church ministry.)

What impresses me most are the microenterprises that they run. These micro-enterprises not only allow them to be self-sustaining to some extent, bring in some cash to fund operations and outreach activities but also allows for the molding of the children's character and provides livelihood to poor people in the community!

Should you be interested to help out and sponsor a child for US$30/month you can contact them through this email address: childrenshome at shepherdsarms.org.nz. If you want to help in another way, you may contact Martin and Amy directly thru: Martin.AmyLamb at shepherdsarms.org.nz
Please help spread the word!


Gratitude

Last March, I posted online about gratitude and how I received less than what I was believing for. That was nine months ago.

As of last month, I can say that God pulled through!

Press on!

Friday, November 25, 2011

Buffet

Image via Wikipedia
When I was a small boy, I was fascinated with things that does more than what they appear to be, those that are all-in-one things.

A kitchen knife is nothing compared to a Swiss Army Knife that has two knives, a scissor, a corkscrew, a saw, tent needles, etc. A clock is nothing compared to a clock that has a radio, a rechargeable lamp and a siren. Even in the kitchen, a simple blender is nothing compared to a food processor. 

Even instant coffee, from the initial coffee-only packs, I have already found out that there are even nine-in-one coffee packs: coffee, sugar, cream and a variety of herbs/mushrooms.

Even in food, a set meal is always inferior to a buffet meal. Somehow being in presence of such abundance gives a feeling of security and warmth.

Being blessed works in the same way too. There is a buffet spread of blessing that is available for every child of God! All for you and me.
I didn't see it this way before. I always thought that I can only ask for spiritual blessings. Material blessings are unholy, unspiritual and therefore not to be asked from God.

Looking at the lives of Biblical characters, there are many who chose to obey God and have been blessed materially. God always has us on His heart. He has plans for us(Jeremiah 29:11) and no one can ever be able to imagine what God has planned for those who love Him(1 Corinthians 2:9).

Having seen these words being fulfilled in the lives of people I know, even in my own life, gives me the confidence that God will fulfill His promises in His own time.

In times of doubt, when I know God will come through, I put my confidence knowing that "He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all--how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?" Romans 8:32



Tuesday, October 11, 2011

The long goodbye: Saying goodbye to my mother... for the last time

430 PM, 1st November, 2008 - Sitting at the airport lounge, waiting for my flight to be called. It was just a few hours ago when I got the call: mother has breathed her last.

Sometime 2006 - I received a text message from my sister: mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. I looked up what it meant. Hmmm, some neurological disease that attacks the nerves, cure unknown. Then began my family's journey with a disease often described as the 'long goodbye'.

Christmas 2006 - I am cleaning the bathroom sink. I have just finished the scrubbing the floor. I sense a presence staring at me. It was mother, staring blankly at me, as if I was some stranger.

2007, 2008 - Long two years. Calls home became infrequent. Insomnia trying to get into my life... again. I dreaded checking my cellphone. Two major surgeries for mother in two years. Everything a blur. Days being marked by twice-a-month trips to the bank.

Christmas 2007 - ???

8AM, 1st November, 2008- Sitting at the back of a truck, on the way to a church activity. Received a text message from my sister: mother is in serious condition: Knocked on the roof of the truck, had to get off. Didn't matter that it was a lonely road. On the way home, I call my wife: need to go home today. can you book me a ticket?

By some good turn of events, the airline ticketing office was open, on a holiday. Even better was getting a ticket on one of the busiest days of the year. Grabbed a quick lunch, pack some clothes-yellow shirt, red shirt, heck.

In half an hour I was at the office, sending instructions to colleagues in case I may need some more time back home. Kept receiving updates every 15 minutes. After a few hours, got the call. She's gone!

I sit at my chair, stunned. Walked a bit to the rest room, sat on the seat and wept. A few minutes later, I was on my way to the airport to catch a 5PM flight.


6PM - I am at the airport, hailing a taxi for the morgue. At the funeral homes, I take a seat close to the door of one of the rooms. Someone comes and offers a drink, I decline. After almost an hour, I spot my brother-in-law, carrying one of mother's blouses-the one she wore on my wedding, I think. My niece comes in, then my brother and sister, then father. We take a walk downstairs to the morgue. On the table was mother, almost ready to be brought home. No signs of the disease that took her. She looked as beautiful at her prime.

We took her home on the limousine. At home, I was met by strangers, not strangers to the rest of the family. Funeral guys set up the lamps and coffin stand. Not in the mood for dinner. All I want is privacy, for everyone to stay at a distance and just allow immediate family to gather and speak to her, reassuring ourselves that everything is in God's hands.

Surprisingly, I didn't cry. On the plane, I had decided to be strong for the family. To allow them to grieve while I 'keep everything together.' Slept in the same room about six feet from the coffin.

2nd November 2008 - Relatives started to arrive - many of them I've met again after nearly a decade. They truly helpful Christians. Kept the family encouraged without being churchy.

3rd November 2008 - Wife arrives, met her at a shopping mall while I bought some supplies. Had dinner with her before going home.

The rest of the days leading up to the funeral were a blur. I marked the hours by frequent trips to the bathroom. 'Keeping everything together' resulted to days of indigestion and diarrhea.

On the eve of the funeral, we came to a decision that I deliver the eulogy. I collapse in exhaustion. How does one describe my mother in a few minutes? I was tired due to lack of sleep, frequent trips to the bathroom and 'keeping everything together.' My wife, a very wise woman, told me just what I need to her, Go to sleep, you will know what to say tomorrow.

8th of November 2008 - We carry the coffin into the waiting limousine while the rest of the family were singing Still.

At the cemetery, I stand in front of a crowd - mostly strangers. All wanting to pay their final respects to mother. I delivered a spontaneous eulogy then we said our final goodbyes. No tears came out, still keeping everything together.

I am at peace. Whatever pain she was experiencing is gone. She can freely move around now, hip is A-ok.

Postcript: Someone once said that life is meant to be lived forward and understood backward. A lot of great things have transpired since and my family has changed so much through mother's final years.

Almost two years to the day of the funeral, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, nine years after we got married. A miracle.

Whenever my patience is tested, I close my eyes and see my father taking care of my mother, who most probably no longer recognized him-I would not wish that pain on anyone.

Whenever I find it challenging to love, I think about the times he carried her in his arms from one place to another. I think of the many sleepless nights he spent listening to her breathe.

I am blessed to have seen such an example of intense love.

a.m.d.g.

Tuesday, July 05, 2011

On the boat: Waiting for the love of my life…

Ferry boat returning from Ammouliani in the mo...Image by Horia Varlan via Flickr
(Note: This post came about as I recalled some of my experiences of waiting. This could be a series of posts inspired after reading Eileen Button's The Waiting Place.)

Dec. 21, 1991… It is already 6PM and I am at the deck of the ferry boat looking towards the gate of the pier where people are gathering to get in... I’ve been here since 4PM… She told me that Christmas season is rush time for ferry travel so I must come early… There’s no way she could have come earlier than me… I have to wait outside the ship until they let me in a few minutes before 4PM… Where is she?

---

June 1991  First day in college… No friends from high school and just one relative about an hour away…  I’m back to being at the bottom of school life… Freshman again after being a high school senior… Strange place to be… So many different languages in one classroom… Got to get in touch with the campus ministry very soon or I might end up joining fraternities or something…

---

July 1991  So this is campus ministry… So many languages in so small a center… Met a few freshies from my class who were also educated by the Jesuits… not bad after all... Wham! Cute girl walks up the stairs… Yellow blouse with gray stripes… Cute dimples, chinky eyes… No, must not look… She might get offended…

She’s from the same college… a sophomore from another department… She seems nice… gotta get up some courage to ask her name… Oh great! We have name tags… Do I use my given name or my nickname? ….  Nickname…

Oh great she enjoys singing church songs… I can glance at her when I’m the sacristan

---

August 1991  Just found out that she has a class a few classrooms from mine… If I can only find out where she passes by for that class...  Just great, she and her friends pass by my classroom… Better find an excuse, even a lame one,  to come to class after they pass by… Just to say hi…

Another friend who is a senior has found out my liking for her… Hope he puts in a good word about me before I tell her… I can’t keep on stealing glances during mass or lightning might strike me…

---

September 1991  “Yes, Father, I’m interested.” The Jesuits have found me… Somehow my inquiry about priesthood got to the vocations director. He’s here… giving me an IQ test…

Now… do I really want to become a priest? Or do I want to spend the rest of my life with this girl? Silly questions when I haven’t even mustered the courage to reveal my feelings…

---

October 1991  Semestral break is coming… I need some time away from her and the vocation director… hopefully getting more clarity… even muster enough courage if I need to…

The break breezes by uneventfully… spent time with high school friends… No clarity…  Oh, God give me a sign… I’m going back to school this weekend… Is it priesthood or not?...

---

Nov 1996… In the bus… traveling for six hours towards the other coast where I would ride a ferry… REO Speedwagon’s I can’t fight this feeling any longer humming in my ears… Feeling like my heart would burst… I might see her tomorrow at the campus ministry center… will she remember me?...

On the boat now… shooting aliens at the video game arcade…tiring myself in order to get some sleep…

The ships PA system comes alive… the island is visible… we are docking in about two hours… man… maybe catching some rays from sunrise would do me good…

Now at the deck… instant coffee in one hand… cheap bread on the other…

Wha???... That striped blouse beside me looks familiar… could…it…be…her? She turns her head… “Hi! So you’re on the same boat? Where are you from?” … managed to reply… my head is spinning… Oh my, oh my!... Is this the sign, Lord?... Oh my, oh my!...

An hour later, I’m carrying my bag and a box of fresh durian fruit... People around me cover their noses… Then a familiar voice … “Are you carrying durian?”Oh my, this is going to be embarrassing… “That’s my favorite fruit!”Another sign, Lord?

---

Classes have started… Ministry meetings too… Groups have been formed… Great, we’re on the same group… I volunteer to be sacristan in the 715AM mass… she volunteers to sing in the choir three times a week…

---

I come in 630AM to prepare the chapel, mass elements and priest’s vestments… She comes in at 7AM to help out… In a few weeks time, we begin chatting… I’m beginning to like her more and more…

---

December 1991… After ministry meeting, she pulls me aside… “Hey, we’ve been chatting before morning mass and you never told me that you like this certain girl…Why don’t you tell me? Maybe I can help out. Maybe you can also help me about this boy…” … My heart sinks… this boy…lucky guy

“So who is she?”… “You…”… “I knew it…”… “What do you mean you knew?”…”I just know…So do you want to help me with the boy?”… Long silence… “So… who…is…he…?”… “You are so dense… you don’t know?”… she leaves… So who is he???

---

I’m in a retreat… with people from the ministry… I sit beside my best friend… she and her friends sit two rows in front of us… She keeps on glancing towards the back… caught her glancing at me once or twice… Maybe just my imagination… Who is he?

---

19th… It’s my birthday… She told me she has a present for me… but I have to be early before the morning mass… unfortunately, I was late… day goes on… met her and some friends at lunch… bought ice cream for everyone… she tells me that she will give my present later after the afternoon mass… can’t wait for the day to end…

---

Later, I’m sitting on a stairway with her… just chatting… last day of school tomorrow… Christmas vacation for two and a half weeks…. I give her a Christmas present, one I’ve bought in October from back home…

“Now close your eyes, and I’ll give your birthday present…” I hate surprises… I hate it even more with eyes closed…She gives me a very nice present… “Do you know who the boy is?”… “…me…???”… “Yes”… “So are we a couple now?”… “Nope… not that easy. Be sure to come early to the wharf on Saturday. Holiday rush. We’re probably on the same boat again”…


Where could she be?... Could she be on the other ferry boat?... More minutes pass… I have already decided not to leave my spot until the ferry leaves…

In the corner of my eye, I see her so clearly… in the midst of the crowd, there she is with her sister and some friends easing their way into my ferry… our ferry…

I rush down to meet her and help carry her stuff… She looked surprised, not expecting to be found by me… 'found by me'-there's a nice ring to it...

The wait is over… I found her… finally…

Monday, May 30, 2011

Changes...

 
digitalart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Early this year, rumours of changes in my company, specifically in our research organization, started to circulate. Rumours ranged from budget cuts to disbandment.
  
Last month, the official decision was relayed to me by my boss: our organization is being disbanded and our next assignments were still being figured out.  No other information was given.

What followed in the next few weeks were frantic attempts on my part to strategize and come up with proposals to various scenarios. I felt that we were already on our own and once other groups find out, they will quickly choose those they want on their team. Images of slaves being sold to the highest bidder came to mind as I grappled with the reality of the disbandment.

It was only when I had accepted the fact, short of a Divine intervention, that nothing I can do or say will reverse the decision - me being many levels below in the corporate org chart and being half-a-world away from corporate HQ, did I felt relief from the uncertainty.

It was time to step back and wait on God as He fights this battle for me. I had to muster what little faith that I have to just let God. I did all I can and the battle has shifted in the realm of God.

I’m glad I did. My fears were unfounded and God pulled through. Though our boss, his boss and his boss’ boss have been reassigned and our overseas counterparts have been assigned to any of three new teams, our local team remains intact. Fears of projects being cancelled did not materialize. Rumours of being reassigned to less fulfilling roles did not happen.

Through these events I have learned to trust God more. He's my real Boss anyway.

More of Him, less of me.

Press On!

Tuesday, March 08, 2011

Gratitude

Being grateful is easy when one receives what he expected or when he receives something unexpected. But when one receives less, or worse, nothing, gratitude becomes the last thing on one's mind.

Recently, I received something less than what I've been praying for. I can say it's a little over half than what I was believing for. Naturally, there was disappointment and religiosity came into play. Not prayerful enough? Did not spend a lot of time doing rituals? Not reading my Bible according to the guide? Etc.

It took a few hours before I remembered that it is still March and there are nine more months left for the prayer to be answered.

The best thing is, God has more than one opportunity to amaze me in that area!

Press on!

PS I have been thinking of starting another blog on gratitude. Thinking about getting collaborators to help provide content/praise reports on how God showed up for them.

Monday, March 07, 2011

New URL

I changed the URL of this blog to ScribblingInHisUniverse.blogspot.com to be consistent with the blog name.

When I started this blog, the intention was to capture moments in my life and to draw out lessons and scribble about these things within God's universe, that He might be glorified and magnified.

'He must increase, but I must decrease.' - John 3:30

Press On!