Tuesday, July 05, 2011

On the boat: Waiting for the love of my life…

Ferry boat returning from Ammouliani in the mo...Image by Horia Varlan via Flickr
(Note: This post came about as I recalled some of my experiences of waiting. This could be a series of posts inspired after reading Eileen Button's The Waiting Place.)

Dec. 21, 1991… It is already 6PM and I am at the deck of the ferry boat looking towards the gate of the pier where people are gathering to get in... I’ve been here since 4PM… She told me that Christmas season is rush time for ferry travel so I must come early… There’s no way she could have come earlier than me… I have to wait outside the ship until they let me in a few minutes before 4PM… Where is she?

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June 1991  First day in college… No friends from high school and just one relative about an hour away…  I’m back to being at the bottom of school life… Freshman again after being a high school senior… Strange place to be… So many different languages in one classroom… Got to get in touch with the campus ministry very soon or I might end up joining fraternities or something…

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July 1991  So this is campus ministry… So many languages in so small a center… Met a few freshies from my class who were also educated by the Jesuits… not bad after all... Wham! Cute girl walks up the stairs… Yellow blouse with gray stripes… Cute dimples, chinky eyes… No, must not look… She might get offended…

She’s from the same college… a sophomore from another department… She seems nice… gotta get up some courage to ask her name… Oh great! We have name tags… Do I use my given name or my nickname? ….  Nickname…

Oh great she enjoys singing church songs… I can glance at her when I’m the sacristan

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August 1991  Just found out that she has a class a few classrooms from mine… If I can only find out where she passes by for that class...  Just great, she and her friends pass by my classroom… Better find an excuse, even a lame one,  to come to class after they pass by… Just to say hi…

Another friend who is a senior has found out my liking for her… Hope he puts in a good word about me before I tell her… I can’t keep on stealing glances during mass or lightning might strike me…

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September 1991  “Yes, Father, I’m interested.” The Jesuits have found me… Somehow my inquiry about priesthood got to the vocations director. He’s here… giving me an IQ test…

Now… do I really want to become a priest? Or do I want to spend the rest of my life with this girl? Silly questions when I haven’t even mustered the courage to reveal my feelings…

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October 1991  Semestral break is coming… I need some time away from her and the vocation director… hopefully getting more clarity… even muster enough courage if I need to…

The break breezes by uneventfully… spent time with high school friends… No clarity…  Oh, God give me a sign… I’m going back to school this weekend… Is it priesthood or not?...

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Nov 1996… In the bus… traveling for six hours towards the other coast where I would ride a ferry… REO Speedwagon’s I can’t fight this feeling any longer humming in my ears… Feeling like my heart would burst… I might see her tomorrow at the campus ministry center… will she remember me?...

On the boat now… shooting aliens at the video game arcade…tiring myself in order to get some sleep…

The ships PA system comes alive… the island is visible… we are docking in about two hours… man… maybe catching some rays from sunrise would do me good…

Now at the deck… instant coffee in one hand… cheap bread on the other…

Wha???... That striped blouse beside me looks familiar… could…it…be…her? She turns her head… “Hi! So you’re on the same boat? Where are you from?” … managed to reply… my head is spinning… Oh my, oh my!... Is this the sign, Lord?... Oh my, oh my!...

An hour later, I’m carrying my bag and a box of fresh durian fruit... People around me cover their noses… Then a familiar voice … “Are you carrying durian?”Oh my, this is going to be embarrassing… “That’s my favorite fruit!”Another sign, Lord?

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Classes have started… Ministry meetings too… Groups have been formed… Great, we’re on the same group… I volunteer to be sacristan in the 715AM mass… she volunteers to sing in the choir three times a week…

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I come in 630AM to prepare the chapel, mass elements and priest’s vestments… She comes in at 7AM to help out… In a few weeks time, we begin chatting… I’m beginning to like her more and more…

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December 1991… After ministry meeting, she pulls me aside… “Hey, we’ve been chatting before morning mass and you never told me that you like this certain girl…Why don’t you tell me? Maybe I can help out. Maybe you can also help me about this boy…” … My heart sinks… this boy…lucky guy

“So who is she?”… “You…”… “I knew it…”… “What do you mean you knew?”…”I just know…So do you want to help me with the boy?”… Long silence… “So… who…is…he…?”… “You are so dense… you don’t know?”… she leaves… So who is he???

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I’m in a retreat… with people from the ministry… I sit beside my best friend… she and her friends sit two rows in front of us… She keeps on glancing towards the back… caught her glancing at me once or twice… Maybe just my imagination… Who is he?

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19th… It’s my birthday… She told me she has a present for me… but I have to be early before the morning mass… unfortunately, I was late… day goes on… met her and some friends at lunch… bought ice cream for everyone… she tells me that she will give my present later after the afternoon mass… can’t wait for the day to end…

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Later, I’m sitting on a stairway with her… just chatting… last day of school tomorrow… Christmas vacation for two and a half weeks…. I give her a Christmas present, one I’ve bought in October from back home…

“Now close your eyes, and I’ll give your birthday present…” I hate surprises… I hate it even more with eyes closed…She gives me a very nice present… “Do you know who the boy is?”… “…me…???”… “Yes”… “So are we a couple now?”… “Nope… not that easy. Be sure to come early to the wharf on Saturday. Holiday rush. We’re probably on the same boat again”…


Where could she be?... Could she be on the other ferry boat?... More minutes pass… I have already decided not to leave my spot until the ferry leaves…

In the corner of my eye, I see her so clearly… in the midst of the crowd, there she is with her sister and some friends easing their way into my ferry… our ferry…

I rush down to meet her and help carry her stuff… She looked surprised, not expecting to be found by me… 'found by me'-there's a nice ring to it...

The wait is over… I found her… finally…

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