Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Burned Out


A few weeks ago, I found myself burned out. Again.

I didn't listen to the subtle signs: lack of appetite, loss of interest in my hobbies, detachment, insomnia, etc. It was only when I began spending long hours playing computer games, killing aliens, that I finally told myself that I need to take a break.

Taking a break used to be a day on the beach, an afternoon in the mountains or an evening looking at the stars. Not this time.

Although I would love to do those things, I’d rather not, not at this stage in my life. I’d rather be in my room, with my bible, my journal, a liter of water and my towel.

For a long time, I have never allowed myself to stop and take a deep look at my life. I did the daily motions of living, existing to be exact. But never looked inside.

In those two days locked in my room, I began to acknowledge the emptiness in my heart, the struggles of missing a son and a daughter I have never met, the loneliness of being alone, and all other stuff that I denied ever existed...