scribbling in His universe: October 2006

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Ronin no longer...

A ronin (浪人, rōnin) was a masterless samurai during the feudal period (1185–1868) of Japan. A samurai became masterless from the ruin or fall of his master, or after the loss of his master's favor or privilege. Since a ronin doesn't serve any lord, he is no longer a samurai. A samurai is a "servant", since the noun came from the verb "saburau" which is the Japanese for "to serve". -Wikipedia

In Wild at Heart by John Eldredge, he mentions the three core desires of every man's heart: a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue. In his book, he attempts to re-kindle the flame of those desires that God placed in the heart of every man.

Wild at Heart is not a book for macho-types or in Eldredge's words, posers. It is for every man who walks under the burden of being the 'nice guy' while he grieves in silence for the void in his heart.

So which reminds me of my childhood.

I was so fascinated with warrior movies. Samurai, knights, gladiators, soldiers, etc. At the core of my being there is a heart of a warrior. I had daydreams of fighting battles, fighting dragons to rescue a princess, and living a grand adventure.

But as I grew up, I gave up those things for what the world has to offer. Things that are counterfeit. Things that kill the heart slowly. Yes, I too have lost my heart. I have lost the desire to fight for something worthwhile. I became a ronin.

Being true to the ronin lifestyle, I gave my allegiance to what was popular at any given time: activism, nationalism, human potential movement, new age philosophy, etc. None of those causes gave the deep joy that my heart desired.

I want to be a samurai not a ronin. But who will I serve? Who will be my lord, my daimyo? Who is the king that would want a fallen warrior as a servant? Who is the king that would give me another chance? Who is the king that would instruct me in the way of the warrior?

Then there is this story:

There was this kingdom entrusted to a man and his wife. The kingdom was known by many names, it was called Eden while some call it Paradise.

When the man and woman were still new to the kingdom, the King's enemy came by. Now this enemy was a warrior angel who rebelled against the King. He wanted to be king himself and started an uprising which eventually led to his defeat. Now he wants revenge. How? By turning the King's favorite subjects against Him.

He made and executed his plan. The wife sinned, and the man followed. When confronted by the King, the man said, "The woman you gave me as my give made me do it!" What a wimp! Yet few know that when the woman was being tempted, the man was with her! Why didn't he stand in the gap?

So from that day onwards, the kingdom fell into the hands of the enemy. The once-perfect world became a fallen, broken world. Man and woman, who used to walk with the King in the garden became fallen, broken beings.

For thousands of years, men and women were under the control of the enemy.

Then one day, around two thousand years ago, the King implemented the plan: the Plan for Salvation. It was the most daring infiltration to enemy territory: sending the King's Son deep into enemy territory! On that night, when the Son was born, the history of mankind changed.

Here is the One who will reclaim the Kingdom! The enemy made ways to kill the Son and succeeded thirty years later. Only to see the Son defeat death three days later.

Now that is the Lord I want to follow! That is the Lord that will teach me the Way. This is the Lord I will follow to the ends of the earth.

And today, I draw out my sword and offer it to my Lord. I offer my services to give glory to Him and advance His Kingdom!

Ronin no longer...

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Lord, Why Me?

"Lord, why me?"

This question has popped so often these past few weeks.

Things from my past... things that are happening now... things that I hoped that would happen but didn't...

Old familiar places: fear... hopelessness... discouragement... loss of heart... unfulfilled promises... unmet expectations... unrealistic views... disappointments... discontent... loss... sickness... grief... friends leaving... friends not calling back... family issues... work issues... ministry issues... faith issues...

"Lord, why me?"

I had waited for the longest time for answers. Waiting for the 'lamp' that would bring enough light for me to step on.

Waiting in the wilderness... waiting in the dark pit... waiting for something... no, anything to happen... but NOTHING. Not a thing!

"So it's back to endurance training now, huh, Lord? Test of patience? Test of submission?"

Impatience... resentment... anger... rebellion! Full-scale rebellion! Edging-God-Out! My way not His!

"Now what?"

"Are you asking me?"

"Yes, Lord, I'm asking You! What happens now? I have fallen again. I have fallen short. I have sinned. I've been selfish. I've been self-centered. I've been hard headed. And... and... and... I'm so sorry! I can't do this by myself anymore!"

I wept. Weeping does a lot of good for me. It allows me to pour out everything to God. EVERYTHING!

Fears... broken dreams... hopes... deep longings... needs... broken relationships...

"Why, Lord?"

"From your own pain, you will be able to help others. Through your own pain, you can reach out to the lost. Through your pain, you will find strength to stand in the gap for you know how it is like to be hurting. Through your pain, I make you stronger. Through your pain, you will glorify Me."

"What is it that You want from me?"

"I want You to abide in Me. Rely on me to be your Provider, your Shield, Strong Tower and Shelter. Press on! Follow the path I have laid for You. Remember the promises I made. Trust in those promises for I am faithful."

"Lord, I have failed so many times. I have done so many shameful things. Yet You say that I will be able to glorify You. Lord, out of all the people, WHY ME?"

"WHY NOT?"